Thursday, June 14, 2007

Strangers in the Night

I know it sounds like a cliché. Two strangers in the night. Chance encounter. His eyes met mine. We have all heard them before. He was worldly in a way that I had never experienced. I nervously shuffled my feet. The glass reflection in the puddle held my gaze. Listening to the gypsy melody he strummed on his guitar and the smooth tone of his voice I knew he must have been singing it just to me. Shivers went up my spine and I slowly lifted my eyes and was drawn like a moth into his deep dark stare. Frozen from the intensity of his gaze I knew this was the moment that I had always been waiting for. My eyes traveled down towards his pouty, slightly damp lips. My body tensed with expectation and then I heard, “do you have any spare change?”

3 comments:

tbutler said...

I like it! There's one sentence error. You have a double was in the following sentence: Shivers went up my spine and I slowly lifted my eyes and was was drawn like a moth into his deep dark stare.

Keep up the good work!

Tracy

Robbin said...

Thanks for the feedback. I am kinda surprised I wrote it myself.

Kris said...

I like the effect of the short choppy phrases in the beginning. It gives the reader a sense of breathlessness like you are so breathless as you tell this story. There are so many descriptions I love like drawn like a moth into his deep dark stare, frozen from the intensity of his gaze, and my all time favorite pouty, slightly damp lips! I adore truly surprise endings. I was not expecting this ending which made me say Wow! at the end.